A Response to Sickness

Since last Tuesday afternoon, Jan 20, 2009, I have been in quite an amount of pain in the area of my liver/gallbladder. I went to the MD Thursday of that week, and he said we need to get the same sorts of tests that we did two years ago when I had the essentially same symptomatology, beginning with an ultrasound that I will undergo next Tues, Jan 27th and including a GI specialist consult on February 2nd.
When I went to church today, many people asked how I was. Now, first, and even in church, people don't want to hear how you really are , they are just wanting to hear the standard "good" so they can move on to dutifully greeting the next person. Second, if you try to let them know how you really are, which may be not too great, they will soon prove to you that they are not listening to you , but instead climbing frantically in reach for the next thing they themselves are going to say.
Anyway, one person whom I thought better than this response automaticity is my current pastor's wife. Awkwardly, she proved that she was at least half-heartedly in front of me and listening with one ear. Her response to my details, though, made me feel more lonely than I have felt in a very long time. That includes people's verious and sundry responses to my using a wheelchair due to CP.

She said to me: "How Strange!"

Not more, not less. And just like that, I felt like some gross, under-funded science experiment forgotten at the back of the refrigerator. If you ever find yourself on the responding end of a similar exchange, and are scrambling to be empathetic, might I suggest staying away from the phrase "How Strange!" Instead, give any of the following a try:

1. I'm sorry to hear that you are not feeling well (maybe add: Is there anything I can do to help?)
2. Would you allow me to pray for you ?
3. I'm sorry that you are in pain, but I sure am glad you made it here today

Basically , the gist is this: As much as you can muster it, listen with your heart. Strive to be as wholly present as possible for the time you are with a person. Try not to let the fear of "catching" something , or getting older, or being nominated for early practice with a wheelchair etc. distract you from your much harder, yet simple, task of listening.

My heart still feels burdened by today's interactions, but that is all I will write for now.

God Bless.